Barbie Breaks Box Office Records as Conservatives Keep Whining About It

The Barbie movie opened Friday, and it’s already breaking box office records—despite conservatives’ best efforts to bad-mouth the film as woke propaganda.

Barbie stars Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling as Barbie and Ken, who leave Barbie Land to explore the real world. The film has already made $22.3 million at the domestic box office from Thursday previews, the biggest preview haul this summer, blowing the previous record of $17.5 million (made by Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 in May) out of the water.

Barbie is anticipated to make as much as $140 million in its opening weekend alone, largely due to its incessant and ingenious marketing campaign. And people on the right have not stopped complaining about it.

Conservatives keep coming up with stupid reasons to hate the movie. They say that the movie is too “woke” for casting Hari Nef, a transgender actress, as Doctor Barbie. They have also blasted Simu Liu, who plays a Ken, for saying the film put “the final nail in the coffin of that very heteronormative idea of what gender is.”

Men have taken to Twitter to insist that Robbie is ugly with no makeup on and they would never deign to have sex with her. Representative Matt Gaetz and his wife went to the movie premiere, after which Ginger Gaetz declared the film highly skippable because it “neglects to address any notion of faith or family” and features “disappointingly low [testosterone] from Ken.” Other film critics have branded Barbie “anti-man.”

Other Republican lawmakers also waded into the fray by insisting the movie is Chinese Communist propaganda. In one scene in Barbie Land, a rough, hand-drawn map of the world can be seen in the background. The map includes the so-called nine-dash line, a much-disputed division of territory in the South China Sea.

China has used the nine-dash line to mark its controversial territorial claims in the South China Sea. Over the years, Beijing has tried to claim sovereignty over 90 percent of the region. Even though The Hague ruled in 2016 that China has no legal basis for its claims, the country has pressed on, building military installations on otherwise uninhabited islands in the sea.

Republicans insisted that the shot was a clear indication that Hollywood is in the Chinese Communist Party’s pocket and Barbie is just Communist propaganda. For those wondering, this is the shot in question:

Vietnam has banned the movie over the map, but the Philippines has decided to show it because the “cartoonish map” actually only shows a “make-believe journey” in Barbie Land (half of Asia is missing!).

Michael Cohen is settling his three-year-old lawsuit against the Trump Organization, avoiding yet another trial on the former president’s docket that was set to commence Monday.

Cohen is a former personal attorney and longtime fixer for the twice-impeached, twice-indicted, and liable-for-sexual-abuse former president (apparently not much fixing was done). He filed a lawsuit against the Trump Organization in 2019, alleging that the company reneged on agreements that it would pay for any attorney fees and costs arising from his work on its behalf. Cohen argues that the organization refused to meet its end of the deal after he turned on Trump. He alleged that he is owed some $1.3 million in unpaid legal fees.

The exact terms of the settlement have not yet been announced, but the Monday trial is indeed off.

Meanwhile, Trump still has an active lawsuit against Cohen in a Florida federal court, while Cohen is expected to be a key witness against Trump in New York State Court next year on the former president making hush-money payments to porn actress Stormy Daniels.

“As far as Cohen is concerned, he’s convicted. He’s a liar. He’s defrauded at a high level. He’s got a lot of problems,” Trump said in 2019, after Cohen testified to Congress about his experience working for the former president.

Trump also faces a likely third and fourth indictment—one from the Justice Department for his role in the January 6 riots and efforts to overturn the 2020 election and another in Georgia, also for his efforts to overturn the 2020 election, which includes charges of racketeering.

This story has been updated.

Fox News host Jesse Watters accidentally made a great case for abortion rights while trying to humiliate one of his co-hosts over vaccines.

Watters and his co-hosts of The Five on Thursday discussed Robert Kennedy Jr.’s congressional testimony from earlier in the day. Republicans had invited Kennedy to testify before the House Judiciary Committee on censorship and free speech—a move that Democrats slammed as wildly irresponsible.

During the show, host Jessica Tarlov (rightly) warned that Kennedy’s anti-vaccine and conspiracy-theorist stances were “dangerous,” which set Watters off.

“If he believes certain vaccines are dangerous, so what, Jessica? So what?” Watters demanded, before admitting that he vaccinated his own children on the advice of his pediatrician.

“It’s actually kind of weird that you’re so upset about what one Democrat thinks about vaccines!” Watters continued. “You can do whatever you want with your body; you can do whatever you want with your kid’s body; your doctor can decide with you what to do with your body. What does it have to do with RFK Jr.?”

“Thanks for advocating for Roe!” Tarlov replied.

Tarlov was of course referring to Roe v. Wade, the seminal Supreme Court decision that legalized the nationwide right to abortion—and that the newly conservative high court rolled back last year. Since then, Republicans across the country have rushed to restrict access to the procedure, shredding bodily autonomy for millions of people.

Watters’s rant perfectly encapsulates the right wing’s approach to individual rights. It’s your body, your choice, until you try to do something they disagree with, such as get an abortion or give a transgender person gender-affirming care.

On Thursday night, Ron DeSantis announced his brave move to launch a state-led inquiry into Bud Light, for … making a sponsored Instagram video.

“We believe that when you take your eye off the ball like that,” DeSantis said on Jesse Watters’s show on Fox, while appearing to perhaps be holding in a burp, “you’re not following your fiduciary duty to do the best you can for your shareholders. So we’re going to be launching an inquiry about Bud Light and InBev. And it could be something that leads to a derivative lawsuit filed on behalf of the shareholders of the Florida pension fund.”

And DeSantis has delivered, announcing in a letter Friday that he is calling for an investigation into AB InBev (the parent company of Bud Light) “regarding their Bud Light marketing campaign,” referring to the company’s single simple sponsored video with the massively famous actress and influencer Dylan Mulvaney, who is also trans.

The Florida governor and presidential candidate’s letter blames the company for falling stock prices, and potentially harming Florida pension fund shareholders, because of the 45-second sponsorship ad—a video that was perfectly fine and did no harm until DeSantis and his allies made it a problem. (So if anyone is to blame for shareholders’ financial loss, they could probably have just as meritable a case against DeSantis himself.)

“At the end of the day, there’s gotta be penalties for when you put business aside to focus on your social agenda at the expense of hardworking people,” DeSantis continued on Watters’s show, ignoring that his own radical agenda has so far targeted millions of hardworking people in Florida and America.

Speaking of poor prioritization, while DeSantis has spent his time attacking LGBTQ people, immigrants, and “woke” companies, he’s welcoming the phosphate industry to pave Florida’s roads with the industry’s toxic waste; his constituents are exposed to some of the hottest temperatures on record; and insurance companies are fleeing his state en masse, thanks to the climate risk that Republicans have expressed no interest in mitigating.

Even fellow Republican Representative Greg Stuebe chimed in, responding to Florida’s insurance premiums soaring 206 percent since DeSantis took office. “The result of the state’s top elected official failing to focus on (and be present in) Florida,” Steube tweeted Thursday. “This is a major crisis for Floridians.”

Donald Trump, who has been indicted twice and expects to be indicted a third time any day now, is already staring down the barrel of his fourth indictment. And the latest one could include racketeering charges.

Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis has been investigating Trump for nearly two years over his role in efforts to overturn the 2020 election. She is expected to start seeking indictments in a matter of weeks.

And one of those indictments could be a “sprawling” racketeering indictment, The Guardian reported Friday, citing two anonymous sources who were briefed on the pending charges. Willis apparently has enough evidence to show Trump had created an “enterprise,” according to state law.

Georgia’s racketeering statute requires a pattern of activity based on at least two “qualifying” crimes. Willis’s indictment will reportedly be predicated on charges of influencing witnesses and computer trespass.

It’s not clear what exactly those charges relate to, but influencing witnesses could refer to Trump’s phone calls begging Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger to “find” 11,780 votes—the exact amount needed to flip the state’s election results to Trump.

Computer trespass could include the breach of voting machines in Coffee County, which is a few hours south of Fulton. A group of pro-Trump people, paid by Trump’s then-lawyer Sidney Powell, accessed voting machines at the county’s election office. They copied sensitive data and uploaded them to a site for election deniers to access and use to try to prove the election had been rigged.

Coffee County is not in Fulton’s jurisdiction, but the racketeering charge would let prosecutors point to the data breach as part of a pattern of behavior to corruptly keep Trump in office.

Trump is scrambling to fend off the growing pile of indictments. Last week, he sought a new court order to essentially have the Georgia case thrown out. His legal team also argued to postpone the trial for how he handled classified documents until after the election. That trial date was just set for May 2024.