DOGE’s “Big Balls” Was Beaten Up—and Now Musk Wants to Federalize D.C.

DOGE staffer Edward Coristine, a.k.a. “Big Balls,” was jumped in Washington, D.C., earlier this week—and his former boss, Elon Musk, is using the attack to call for a federal takeover of the District.

The billionaire wrote that Coristine heroically stopped “a gang of about a dozen young men” from assaulting a woman in her car at night. He said that Coristine ran over to defend the woman and saved her in spite of being “severely beaten to the point of concussion.” Musk ended his retelling by calling for the federal government to take control of D.C. 

Trump used the attack on Big Balls to echo the same goal, calling for the federal takeover of D.C. and the mass criminalization of mostly working-class Black and Latino children. 

“Crime in Washington, D.C., is totally out of control. Local ‘youths’ and gang members, some only 14, 15, and 16-years-old, are randomly attacking, mugging, maiming, and shooting innocent Citizens.… The Law in D.C. must be changed to prosecute these ‘minors’ as adults, and lock them up for a long time, starting at age 14,” Trump wrote Tuesday on Truth Social. “Washington, D.C., must be safe, clean, and beautiful for all Americans and, importantly, for the World to see. If D.C. doesn’t get its act together, and quickly, we will have no choice but to take Federal control of the City, and run this City how it should be run, and put criminals on notice that they’re not going to get away with it anymore. Perhaps it should have been done a long time ago, then this incredible young man, and so many others, would not have had to go through the horrors of Violent Crime. If this continues, I am going to exert my powers, and FEDERALIZE this City.”

The Metropolitan Police Department’s report states that officers saw a group of around 10 young people surrounding and assaulting Coristine. He told police that he had pushed his “significant other” into the car as they were being surrounded. Two 15-year-old suspects were detained and charged with unarmed carjacking. 

Fearmongering is a common tactic for Trump and other conservatives, especially around events like these. But Washington, D.C.’s unique nonstate status has emboldened the president, as he has hinted at taking over the city countless times before. Everyone deserves to feel safe in the city they live in, but Big Balls getting jumped is not a valid excuse to start rounding up kids and revoking the little autonomy the city has.  

This article has been updated to more accurately reflect the police report about the attack.

Miss United States doesn’t want to be within 100 yards of Representative Cory Mills.

Lindsey Langston, a Florida Republican state committeewoman and the current titleholder for the Miss United States beauty pageant, has filed a restraining order against the Republican lawmaker, reported DropSite News. The pair dated from November 2021 until February of this year.

The Columbia County committeewoman reported Mills to local and state law enforcement for “harassment, threatening to release sexual videos, and to harm future boyfriends,” according to DropSite.

After dating for almost three years, Langston and Mills began living together last summer when Langston moved into Mills’s Florida home. But that all came to an abrupt end in February when Langston learned—via national news reports—that Mills not only had a second girlfriend but had also been accused of assaulting her at his D.C. condo. (The second girlfriend, Sarah Raviani, later denied the report.)

But ending the relationship didn’t translate to an end in communication, according to Langston, who told DropSite that Mills continued to harass her for months despite her telling him repeatedly to leave her alone.

“The threats from Cory intensified over time,” she told DropSite. “From emotional manipulation, to physical violence against whoever I date in the future, to threats of having me stripped of the Miss United States crown … something I worked extremely hard for and a dream that was placed in my heart long before I even knew who Cory Mills was.”

Langston shared troves of time-stamped evidence with local and state investigators, as well as DropSite News, to back up her allegations.

On May 19, Donald Trump signed into law the bipartisan “Take It Down Act” to curb revenge porn. That same day, Mills—a self-styled MAGA Republican who had voted in favor of the anti-intimidation legislation—sent another timely message to Langston, threatening to blow up her future yet again by weaponizing sexual images he had of her.

“Let him put his actions behind his mouth,” Mills wrote, referring to someone he believed to be Langston’s new partner. “I can send him a few videos of you as well. Oh, I still have them.”

The Trump administration is on a pro-Confederacy roll, with two monuments brought back in 24 hours.

U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced Tuesday that a Confederate memorial would be reinstalled in Arlington Cemetery after the statue’s removal in 2023 by Hegseth’s predecessor, Lloyd Austin, the country’s first Black defense secretary.

“Moses Ezekiel’s beautiful and historic sculpture—often referred to as ‘The Reconciliation Monument’—will be rightfully be returned to Arlington National Cemetery near his burial site,” Hegseth wrote on X.

The statue is likely more often referred to by the name it’s had since its construction in 1914: the Confederate Memorial.

“It never should have been taken down by woke lemmings. Unlike the Left, we don’t believe in erasing American history—we honor it,” Hegseth continued.

The memorial featured a “nostalgic, mythologized vision of the Confederacy” and included “highly sanitized depictions of slavery,” according to Arlington Cemetery’s website. The statue also had a Latin inscription that characterizes the South’s secession as a “noble ‘Lost Cause.’”

The Confederate Memorial is the second monument honoring the pro-slavery South that the Trump administration has recently resurrected. The National Park Service announced Monday that it would restore and reinstall the statue of Confederate General Albert Pike that was toppled during the Black Lives Matter protests in 2020.

NPS describes the statue as a tribute to “Pike’s leadership in Freemasonry,” leaving out his Confederate background. The move is part of Trump’s “Executive Order on Restoring Truth and Sanity to American History.”

It’s yet another instance in which the Trump administration is actively revising the past. Whether scrubbing mentions of queer and transgender Americans from the Stonewall website or quietly removing references to Trump’s impeachments from a Smithsonian exhibit (which the museum now says will be restored “in the coming weeks”), it’s clear that the administration is committed to promoting its version of the nation’s history—“truth” and “sanity” notwithstanding.

The Trump administration is contorting itself in order to not release the Epstein files.

Senior administration officials are expected to meet Wednesday night at the vice president’s residence to discuss their available options for the Epstein files—one of which reportedly includes having deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche go on Joe Rogan’s podcast to discuss the scandal, according to CNN.

The meeting will include Blanche as well as White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, Vice President JD Vance, Attorney General Pam Bondi, and FBI Director Kash Patel.

“Sources say that there have also been internal discussions about what exactly Blanche’s next step could be, including holding a press conference or doing a high-profile interview, possibly with someone like Joe Rogan,” reported CNN’s Kaitlan Collins Tuesday night.

Blanche met with Epstein’s longtime associate Ghislaine Maxwell for multiple days last month, spurring concern that the White House was considering a pardon for the convicted sex trafficker.

Another option reportedly discussed among the senior officials includes releasing the transcript or audio of Maxwell’s interview with Blanche.

The Trump administration has been in a tailspin over the case files since the beginning of July, when the Justice Department directly contradicted Bondi on the existence of Epstein’s “client list,” eliciting surprise and upset from the deepest pockets of the MAGA leader’s base.

But rather than release the Epstein files and provide the transparency so demanded by his supporters, Donald Trump decided to go in a different direction and accrue a new list of Epstein’s clients from Maxwell. Maxwell, in turn, directly appealed to the president and the Supreme Court in pursuit of a pardon.

A senior Trump administration official told CNN Thursday that Trump was not considering clemency for the convicted sex trafficker, though Trump underscored to reporters just days prior that he was “allowed” to give her one.

Meanwhile, Americans are increasingly disturbed by Trump’s handling of the entire fiasco. A poll published by Emerson College Polling in July found that just 16 percent of Americans approved of the way Trump was managing the Epstein scandal, while more than half of polled Americans—51 percent—disapproved.

Some defenders of Texas Republicans’ plan to rejigger the state’s congressional districts at the behest of President Trump might be inclined to suggest there’s some fair rationale for the move.

Not state Representative Mitch Little, a Texas Republican who explained brazenly to CNN Tuesday that it’s a Machiavellian partisan maneuver.

CNN’s Brianna Keilar asked her guest why the Texas GOP is attempting to redistrict now when it just did so four years earlier after the last U.S. census.

Little put it plainly: “Because we can. We have the votes. It’s legal for us to do so. It’s legal for us to draw the lines based on political performance. We have three Hispanic-predominated districts in south Texas that we believe that we can carve out for Republican leadership in the United States Congress,” he said—which, he claimed, will “be a good thing for Texas.”

“Because you can,” Keilar repeated. “Why should you, though?”

Little replied: “Because it’s good for our party, it’s good for our state, and we need to ensure that Donald Trump’s agenda continues to be enacted throughout his second term,” Little said. (Note that “our party” apparently came to mind quicker here than “our state.”)

Little and his fellow Republicans, he continued, see this gerrymander “as the difference between Democrats trying to impeach President Trump again during the second half of his final term as president of the United States or accomplishing the agenda that all the voters in Texas, by a significant majority, sent him to accomplish.”

“So you’re doing this for President Trump?” Keilar pressed.

“We’re doing this for Texas,” Little insisted. “President Trump doesn’t call me. I don’t think he has my phone number. But what I would submit to you is: This is the best thing for Texas and its representation in the United States Congress.”